Posts tagged ‘temptation’

May 7, 2013

Day 483: Way, Way Out

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Looking back at my last post, Day 481: Black Sabbath, I realized that there were so. very. many. “outs” that God gave me to not have to take that downward plunge.

My husband saying “Get a pizza for you.”
Not previously having had any wine in the house.
The moment at the store where I thought “I could get something else entirely.”
When my husband hung out in the living room longer so I had to wait to sneak out the cookie dough.

God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. 1 Corinthians 10:13

He was all over it… on my behalf. And, honestly, I saw the signs then too. I knew that He was giving me a way out, but I was so determined to do wrong at that point that I just ignored all the lifelines He was throwing at me.

But Monday was another day entirely… a new day… with new mercies. And then this morning I was going back through my bookmarks and came across this one:

God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him. Philippians 2:13

It’s so cool when the Word of God expresses just what you need to know, just what you need to hear, just what I needed to be reminded of.

And ya know… this post is pretty short and sweet, but honestly, there isn’t a whole lot more to say about it! That last verse is what I’m gonna focus on today.

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March 8, 2013

Day 423: You Ain’t Lion

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I went to my Beth Moore Patriarch’s study Wednesday night (each week is so… transformational and so very, very timely) and she talked a bit about how my God is the same God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The same God has Moses. as Noah. as Daniel.

She brought up that God still does save people from the mouths of lions (and honestly, she does a perfect job of explaining this comparison, so if you ever get a chance to do this study, then grab it)… he saves us from the lion… that roaring lion, Satan.

Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen 1 Peter 5:6-11

And the minute that she brought up that verse 8 (bolded above), I knew exactly what she was talking about. God has used his mighty power to rescue me from the mouth of the roaring lion. And, might I say, he still IS rescuing me from the mouth of the roaring lion.

At first says “humble yourselves”. I think that was the difference between all the other times in my life where Satan has had my head in his vicious gaping mouth of death… this time, I humbled myself. Said, God… I can.not. do this. Said, God… Only. You. can. do. this.

And I’m saying that to Him again now- as that temptation of gluttony and sugar-filled eating stealthily creeps up on me like a lion about to devour its prey, I know that when the lion has me in his reach… just like Daniel… only God can save me.

God, you are The Most High. You are my Shepherd who protects me from the roaring lion for Your Glory. Today God, I feel the lion’s presence. I know he is waiting, hoping, and longing to devour me wholly and completely. Lord God, protect me with your strong arm. Reach down in your mercy and flick that shrewd devil away like the pest that He is and bring me into your Love and Grace. I want to glorify You. I want to bring You Honor. I humble myself under Your Mighty Power. Amen.

September 1, 2012

Day 235: Blue Moon Blues

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Oh my Lordy.

Yesterday was… well, it was a bonafide me. me. me. day.

And I don’t mean that in a good way.

It was one of those days where I was pushing away my Jesus-loving self and allowing myself to act like a woman of the world. I wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it however I wanted to make it happen.

I wanted to sit around all day and flip through my IKEA catalog even though my son is out of underwear.

I wanted to eat three slices of toast overly buttered this morning.

I wanted to have my kids watch movies all day so that I wouldn’t have to do anything.

I wanted to eat 3/4 of a cheese pizza.

I wanted to ignore God’s whisper that eating a bunch of junk wouldn’t make me feel right. or better. or good. or happy.

I wanted. I wanted. I wanted.

But there is a big difference between just wanting and actually taking.

And well, yesterday I took what I wanted. It was the first day in a long time that I felt like the “former me”… ya know, like: ignoring God’s pleas to not overeat, feeling powerless to resist eating, feeling like I needed to eat for some other reason than hunger. And I’m a little numb about it actually. I should feel bad and remorseful about it and I want to feel bad. But I don’t.

I think maybe it’s because a little bit of me is convinced that it was a result of the blue moon… everyone knows how full moons drive women a little wacko. Haha!

Maybe it’s because I knew that today would be a new day. A day where I could do right. Maybe that is why before my covenant started I was bawling over my cookie dough (that story is on day 21)… it was because I felt no hope. I had not yet learned that God could take my one horrible day and turn it right. I had not yet learned that God has the power to forgive and give me new life.

And honestly, today I feel almost as if yesterday didn’t happen. And double honestly, I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I hate to say that I feel like I “got it out of my system” because I don’t even like that mentality. But that is kind of how it feels.

Okay- I just had the moment where all these ramblings have brought me to the realization that I was needing to get it out of my system. Because I have been carrying the weight of the temptation on my own for the past few weeks. And resisting these food temptations is a heavy burden. A burden that added up day after day after day starts to beat me down. And I think I needed to get allllll the temptations off of my shoulders. How does my human mind think to do that?

Ironically enough, by sinning.

How does a mind set on eternity think to do that? Spending a day of fasting and prayer. A day of total and complete humility before God. A day of begging for His help and guidance and freedom.

And well, I think I have a day like that only once in a blue moon.

And it’s time to change that.

{Ahhhhhhh, but I do feel better having “figured” that one out!}

{Annnnnd, props to my hubby for helping me come up with my post’s name!}

August 25, 2012

Day 228: Chocolate Chip Cookie Confessions

I went to Albertson’s recently for my grocery shopping since I needed some specific cooking ingredients that I can’t ever seem to find at Target (which is like 3 minutes from me so I shop there a lot). Plus I realllllly wanted some Brianne’s Blue Cheese Dressing and they only have that at Albertson’s.

While I was there I had finished up my “dry” shopping (like stuff that is packaged) and my frozen shopping and was heading back over to the veggies to finish up. (I finally figured out about a year ago to save shopping for veggies, fruits, bread, and eggs until the end of my trip so I don’t have to constantly keep them from getting smushed.

Anyway, that “path” through the store forces me to go past the Albertson’s bakery. You know, where they make those bags of chocolate chip cookies. Those delicious chocolate chip cookies. Soft and chewy. {drool}

Well, I always used to take my oldest son with me shopping and he would always convince me to get him a bag of those cookies, but since he does not struggle with overeating, he would often forget that we had them and so I would proceed to devour the entire bag by myself. Of course, more often than not, hiding the entire bag from my husband so he didn’t even know we had them. Oh, sick, sick me. What a sad little puppy I was.

But yesterday I was looking through the pantry for a snack and man, my eyes kept going back to one of the boys’ pop tarts. And I knew that at that moment, we’re I finished with my covenant that I would eat it. And I knew that if I had a bag of those cookies and I were finished with my covenant that I would eat them.

And I sighed a little bit. And I admitted to myself that this covenant will go far longer than a year. For these issues run deep. But…

    But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. John 1:9

And that promise is enough to keep me going. Even if it means a 70 year covenant with Him… he will cleanse me from my wickedness!

August 8, 2012

Day 211: The Wisdom Of Men

Day 8 of my hard-core Daniel Fast.

First of all, I want to say how cool it is how several of you guys have jumped on a hard-core Daniel Fast with me this go round! I’ve loved getting messages and texts from friends and fellow-bloggers that are riding the waves with me! And if you are reading this and have never done a Daniel Fast… wow. You really should give it a go. There is just so much insight that a Daniel Fast will give you in just three weeks (ick, that sounded like an infomercial)… but each time I have done one I am amazed and the new thing(s) I learn about myself and about God. So, look into it if you never had. And you can make it as complicated or as simple as you like. For me, it’s simple: I eat fruits, veggies, and nuts. Nothing else (okay, well, like I said yesterday, I eat the dressing on my salads and the sauces on my meals). But I don’t eat rice, or pasta, or cheese, or bread, etc. You could go even more hard-core than me and knock out the dressings and the sauces. Or you could go the other way and eat rice. Either way… it’s just a good experience.

Okay, I think that I have fully exhausted that topic. Ha!

But here is a story that my friend Ana (who is doing a three-week, hard-core Daniel Fast) told me and I thought that it was so great! Here is her story:

Last night I was craving chocolate graham crackers so I called my husband over to help me not want them. And as I awaited some deep spiritual advice he said, very plainly, “Daniel didn’t have little chocolate graham crackers shaped like little animals.” I busted out laughing and said, “That’s your advice?” He said, “I’m trying to remind you why you’re doing this.”

Ahhhhh, the wisdom of men. So simply brilliant. Maybe we should listen to them more?!?!!?

Nahhhhhhh.

And I’m not one to stretch out something funny into something meaningful, but really, his little line was a balance of both. Because it’s funny to even envision Daniel sitting down chowing on a bag of chocolate animal shaped crackers! But… well, it’s a really good point.

Cause it made me really sit back and think about all of the things in my pantry and fridge that Daniel would not have had. Wow… it really knocks out a lot of options. Instant rice? Nope. Feta Cheese? Probably Not. Gogurts? Nada. Sour Cream? Nuh-uh. Cheerios? Nein.

I mean, if I really went all super crazy loco nazi hard-core about this, I could remove all of the non-Daniel Fast stuff from my house. It would be interesting, albeit perhaps easier, to do the fast when all you could see as an option were the things that Daniel ate.

Which led me to my next thought… Daniel chose to eat those things twice. Once when he was being set apart by Nebuchadnezzar and he didn’t want to defile himself by eating the food and wine from the King (Daniel 1) and then again when he is in mourning for three weeks he doesn’t eat any rich food, meat, or wine (Daniel 10… this is the typical reference for Daniel Fasters). I guess the hard-core Daniel fast is kind of like his time of mourning… it’s a good time to pray over something and to really refocus your thoughts and energy back at God and His direction. And I guess I think of the other time Daniel chose to eat “right” was in an effort to honor God with his body.

I love both of these. I mean, yes, I’m not exactly like he was during those ten days in Daniel 1 where the Bible says he only ate vegetables, but I am at the same point with Daniel in that I want to eat certain things in an effort to not defile my body. I have a bunch of other choices all around me like Daniel did (I mean, seriously, he was being offered the same food that the King was eating… dang, it musta smelled goooooood), but I am choosing to not eat them. Because I want to please God with my food choices. Do I probably still have a long way to go? Yesssssss. But have I made a lot of major changes in my diet that honor him at least MORE than I used to? Yesssssss. Do I feel that God is pleased with me… yessssss.

But I also love the three-week Daniel Fast… and don’t worry I won’t go into all the reasons again, cause I’m pretty sure that I covered that in the first paragraph. But I think that they can both work… together. I was telling my friend Alice that I am thinking about doing a hard-core Daniel Fast (fruits, veggies, nuts, water) every three months or so… until I feel that I am healed of this… addiction. So, I might end up having to do a Daniel Fast every three months until I die. But… hey, if that’ll keep my eye on the prize, then a fasting I will go!

 

June 26, 2012

Day 168: Mirror, Mirror

So, I’m now wearing a size 10 pretty comfortably and even a few size 8s. Honestly, a size 8 is what I was hoping to be able to wear at the end of the year… I never hoped that almost halfway through I’d have already have made it here.

Okay, okay… well, maybe I had hoped but I certainly hadn’t expected it!

But one thing that I have known all along is how the temptations would change and alter as my journey progressed. By no means was I ever under the impression that Satan would simply leave me alone…

“Oh welllllll, January is no longer addicted to food. Too bad that didn’t work… guess we’d better move on to the next person cause I just can’t think of anything new to throw into her life to weigh her down again.”

Yeah, not so much. In fact, I think Satan’s thoughts go more like this…

“Okay guys… January is no longer addicted to food. So it’s time to get out the big guns…we’d better move on to a temptation that is bigger, stronger, sneakier, and more difficult to fight off. I can think of several things to choose from.”

And he’s certainly trying out several different ones on me… all dealing with a focus on outward image. Like I mentioned a long time ago in my post Imma Be, I knew that fighting off the desire to be sexy and trendy was going to be an issue. Simply from having lost weight before and having seen the way that I responded to the skinniness. Even now as I fit into those smaller pre-marriage sizes, I’m a little appalled at myself for some of the clothes I’m pulling down from the top of my closet. Phrases like, “I actually wore this in public?!!?” have run through my mind plenty of times!

But one I didn’t expect was a dissatisfaction with my body. Before when I was in college and went from a size 14 to an 8 I thought my size 8 body was off the charts awesome! I was so excited every time I looked in the mirror.

But now, a size 8 body… well, I’ll admit, it makes me happy… but there are also moments when I look in the mirror and start to critique what I see.

Oh… I wonder if that fat flap will ever go away.
My belly button looks weird.
Will my inner thighs will always have that annoying… extraness?
Check out all my varicose veins!!!
If only my back was a little more toned…
I’d give anything if both my eyes were the same size.

And those are just the ones that I can think of right now!  A lot of it is subconscious but more and more I’m thinking it “outloud” in my mind. Which means that I am allowing my mind to acknowledge the “truth” of it.

This is not. good.

This is proof of my identity being found in something other than Christ. And that is unacceptable.

This is proof of me trading the truth about God for a lie. And that is doubly unacceptable.

Because look what happens when we do that…

They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen… Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. Romans 1:25, 28-31

Yeah, so it’s not just me looking in the mirror and being annoyed with my belly button. It is the beginning of something much, much more than that. And honestly, check out that list… I do NOT want to become that person.

Okay, so it’s easy to look at that list and say “Oh no! (insert an inward gasp of fake shock) I don’t want to be those things!” But it’s an entirely other thing to NOT become those things. All I need to do though is look at what led them into those types of lives and reverse it (at least, that makes sense in theory).

They worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise. vs 25

So, to flip the process… I must worship the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise.

And that makes sense, and I am reminded of my post, Exaggerated Eternity, and how it talked about making us smaller to make Him greater.

And I’ll admit… my focus has not be on His awesomeness, His glory, His power, His greatness, His mercy, His… His anything. I am two weeks behind on my bible readings… just doing a bit here and a bit there when I feel a bit guilty.

But God, this day. this moment. I am choosing you. Again, and again, and again, I must go through this process of choosing you. Sorry that it’s not a constant thing for me yet. And I say yet. Because I am not going to be satisfied with my life nor with myself until my choosing of you is a constant thing. And to get me back on focus, I’m going to make you first again. I’m going to give up facebook again since I know that is a deterrent from you… wish it weren’t but it is… and your word will be the first thing I open up in the morning (after I turn off the 23 alarms on my phone that wake me up… haha) and it will be the last thing on my mind at night. And God I ask that you would turn my heart back to your truth. back to your glory. back to You, who are worthy of eternal praise. Amen.

June 21, 2012

Day 163: Just Food

I was recently having coffee with my friend Alice and we were talking covenant stuff. She mentioned that one of her struggles was that she felt the need to be strong enough to resist on her own. She said with a sarcastic note to her voice, it’s “just food”. She felt that she should be able to deal with “just food”.

And I have been really thinking on that a lot since then.

Cause really… she’s right. We so often feel a little extra dose of extra guilt because we can’t resist this stuff that is “just food”.

But as I have thought about it, a few thoughts have come to mind about “just food”…

Satan used food as the first form of temptation in the Garden.

Jesus performed his first miracle changing water to wine.

Christ compared his own body to bread and wine at the last supper.

It’s not “just food”.

And honestly, I thought and thought about WHY it’s not “just food”… WHY does it have more of a power than other things in our life?

And I’m thinking that it ties, in a weird sort of way, to our level of faith. Satan knew that Adam and Eve were provided every piece of vegetation in the garden except those apples (or whatever they were) from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. And I think he played off of a small, tiny fear that has glowed in our hearts for all of time… the thought – the fear –  that we might not have enough. Not necessarily that we haven’t gotten to experience everything, but that deep down we fear that we might come across a time of… want. need. starvation.

And now I live in a time where most people in America live in a situation where there IS abundance like in the Garden. there IS enough for all of us. there IS plenty.

But we still have these images from the Holocaust. I can still remember stories of the Irish Potato Famine and the mass exodus that ensued. We see pictures pouring in from Africa, India, Asia, Russia of men, women, and children bare boned and sallow eyed.

And although we might grab another brownie it’s not typically because we are consciously thinking, “Oh, man, I’d better stock up on brownies tonight because we might all be starving tomorrow!” But in the ever increasing state of unrest in the world, it is more than likely in the back of our thoughts.

So, I wonder if much of this addiction and pull to “just food” is in response to our fear… and our subsequent need to control that fear.

But God has instructed us that food is now to become… insignificant. a non-issue.

I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:25-33

And He gives us a promise here… that if we run toward Him that He will give us everything we need. He doesn’t promise that we won’t starve, He doesn’t promise that we won’t be hungry, He doesn’t promise that we will even live. But He does promise to give us everything we need. And once we start to learn to trust that He will take care of us… then we can free ourselves from stressing over “just food” and then it can truly become exactly that… just. food.

May 31, 2012

Day 142: Got Almond?

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I think that everyone has “those” foods that are areas of temptation, or weakness, or just plain old habit. Most people list things like sugar (cough, cough… chocolate) or salt. But a lot of people also have drinks as an issue… Route 44 Dr. Pepper is one I hear a lot, mocha frap from Starbucks, etc. For me… it’s milk. Good, fatty, whole milk. Back when I used to work out I would have a glass after a good run when most people would drink water. My best friend used to tease me about coming over and having a glad of milk and a handful of Hot Tamales candies. In fact, her mom kept them stocked with both for when I would come over… which was often.

So, when I made my covenant, I knew that milk would have to go as well. Even though I could have dairy… milk was just… well, almost a dessert to me. Certainly a treat, and definitely an avoidance to drinking water. (I know it’s weird, but water has never really been that “awesome” to me… maybe cause I was always drinking milk instead!)

Well, the other day I was in a bit of a daze as I was making my coffee (which is not entirely that odd seeing as how I am half-asleep when I make my coffee most mornings), and I poured whole milk into the mix instead of the almond milk that I have in my coffee every other morning. Once I realized it, I wasn’t going to pour out that precious milk (two young boys in the house… we go through a lot of milk) or the even more precious… coffee (two young boys in the house… need I say more?). So I drank the coffee with whole milk in it. No biggie.

It was actually kind of gross.

I mean… in comparison to my coffee with almond milk, which has like… flavor. It was kind of cool though how this life of sacrifice is actually better than my normal life. Again like I mentioned yesterday, I would have missed out on a lot of things, both spiritual and “earthly” if I had not done this covenant.

And honestly, I’m not sure of a scripture to put with this one (comment below if one comes to your mind). It just makes me think of how we just don’t see… the whole picture. And by that I mean, there I was for years thinking that whole milk was kind of the end all be all for drinking in coffee. But… it wasn’t. There was something better out there.

And I think that is what this covenant has shown me… there is so much about this world that I haven’t discovered, and might not ever discover… without God showing me. But it took me committing to Him, allowing Him to break down this wall inside of me… in order for me to see that the grass IS indeed greener on the other side if HE is the one that takes you there.

It just makes me want to covenant with Him about… everything! So that He can show me how lame my “whole milk life” is (that I thought was oh-so great)… and reveal to me how amazing an “almond milk” kind of life can be (which I don’t even know exists)!

May 12, 2012

Day 123: Leftover Love

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So, I have two kids. One is almost five and the other will be two next Monday. So, food is a pretty constant thought for me during the day. Trying to get them to eat. Trying to figure out what they want to eat. Making them a second meal because they didn’t like the first (yes, I do this occasionally… don’t judge… my eldest boy was at the 4th percentile for weight one year… a mom never really recovers from that). Tracking what they ate the day before and the day before and the day before. Planning what they will eat for the next meal. And… cleaning up after they are “finished”.

Well, I may be “that mom” who makes my kids their own meal cause they don’t like ratatouille, and well, I am also “that mom” who doesn’t make them finish what is on their plate. Partially because my oldest has had this, like, extra awareness of his “full” button. When he was younger we would try to get him to eat more after he said he was finished and if we did, he always threw up. So, I gave up on that and he’s been fine ever since. And then when I read WeighDown I understood a bit more about the hunger mechanism that God has built into us and I decided that I would allow my kids to choose as much as possible what they wanted to eat (so that I could help them respond to God-given cravings) and I would allow them to stop eating when they were finished. Sure, a little bit of that had to do with the nutritionists saying “don’t eat everything on your plate”, but it was more because I wanted them to get a lot of practice at feeling when they are full and stopping.

And surprisingly this is not a post on “how to help your kids eat the way God intended”. Quite the opposite. I have yet to figure out how to teach them the importance of an orange or raisins or whatever. Keepin it real… my kids eat pop tarts. donuts. toaster strudels. jelly beans. etc. I mean, that’s not all they eat, but they are by no means on this covenant with me. Which is what leads to my REAL topic for this post.

Their leftovers.

Honestly, I don’t think that I’m the only mother out there that would often glean their lunch meal off of what their kids left on their plates. Mere exhaustion along with disdain for the food going to waste was often the motivator that plopped me down at their plates once they were down for naps to dine upon 1/4 of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (with the bread already a bit stale), a few raisins, a couple scoops of applesauce, maybe the remains of a graham cracker.

But I have had to change that habit simply because some of the things that they “leave behind” are things that are not cool on my covenant, plus I’m often “attracted” to them when I’m not hungry. But they are forever leaving a smattering of chips… a few animal crackers… half an Oreo… an entire Little Debbie donut.

And I have to just throw the stuff away.

Ugh, sometimes it kills me to not just shove it in my mouth. I’m still not entirely sure why… but it’s a temptation nonetheless. (Although I will admit that the only thing I will eat leftovers of is avocado chunks… my two year old lovvvvves avocado but sometimes will leave two or three chunks on the plate… yeah, I’m not letting perfectly good avocado go to waste!)

I know that I’m not supposed to eat their leftovers when I’m not hungry and when it’s not on my covenant. And I think that there was a consequence when I tried to take more than what I needed… I was eating some of their leftover chips which were “technically” on my covenant (well, before I modified the covenant the other day to put them on the “no no” list). And that was during that time that I felt wrong. icky. sad. depressed. off.

And I think that this ties in with what some of the Israelites did with the manna…

Then Moses told them, “Do not keep any of it until morning.” But some of them didn’t listen and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Exodus 16:19-20

Only instead of the food bearing the grossness… I had the feel of maggots inside me. So, honestly, I think that it’s worth not eating some leftovers, no matter how much I might love them, to avoid feeling like their are maggots in my soul.

Yeah, no contest on that one!

April 21, 2012

Day 102: Tortilla Temptations

Okay. Seriously never thought that tortillas would be an area of temptation for me. I mean… don’t get me wrong… I have always enjoyed a good quality tortilla, but a tortilla temptation issue? Nahhhhh.

Untilllllll now.

Cause twice in the past two weeks since I have been off of my hard-core Lent fast of only veggies, fruits, and nuts… I have over eaten tortillas.

I think the reason is that I am “ignoring” a little caveat in my covenant.

I am only to eat bread, pasta, or rice if it is necessary for a meal. Like, enchiladas have to have tortillas… so I can eat them. Lasagna has to have pasta… so I can eat it. Stuffed bell peppers has to have rice… so I can have it.

But let me point out one thing. I said I can have it for a meal. Not as a snack… which is how I have been having it.

So I am going against my covenant in two ways:
1) I am eating bread when it is not a necessary part of a meal.
2) I am overeating them!

One incident and I might have written it off as a flub. (Is flub a word?) But twice? Well, it makes it clear to me that it was a choice.

And when I sorta “realized” that today… I started thinking of how I needed to reign that food in. Should I go no bread for three weeks? Should I just say no to tortillas? Should I go back on my Lent fast?

And then I remembered some reading from yesterday that I did (see how important it is for me to be reading my Bible?) about when the priests found the scroll in the temple with the covenant in it. They told King Josiah and he was all torn up about it and he started making reforms like crazy. I mean… the dude went hard core getting rid of all the stuff that was pulling people away from God. So you might think that is leading me towards doing another hard-core Lent fast, but actually I was sorta brought to a different conclusion. Look at this verse:

The king took his place of authority beside the pillar and renewed the covenant in the Lord ‘s presence. He pledged to obey the Lord by keeping all his commands, laws, and decrees with all his heart and soul. 2 Kings 23:3

And I think that’s sorta what I need to do. I need to renew the covenant. Not that God has faltered or anything but I want to remember the original purpose. the point of it all. and to remember the One who is helping me.

I’m not entirely sure how to go about that. I know that writing it down and then praying it often works for me. There almost needs to be some sort of “ceremony” to it in order for it to really embed the thoughts in my mind and heart.

Either way, I need to make me some veggie enchiladas so I can use up all those dern tortillas!!!

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