Posts tagged ‘motivation’

July 25, 2013

Day 562: The Two Of Me

I talk to myself sometimes.
Full on conversations.
And I almost always fight with myself when it comes to food.

One side of me: motherly and wise.
The other side: a teenager… brash, selfish, and thinks she’s untouchable.

Out of all those qualities, the one I mostly want to be is WISE. And be wise about food.

Like, when I went out to dinner with some girlfriends of mine, I got a shrimp chimichanga (AFTER I had already eaten the equivalent of a bag of chips).

shrimp chimichanga el tapatio the culprit

About halfway through it I thought “If I were a skinny girl, I’d stop right here.” But teenager me: “Well, you’re NOT a skinny girl, you never get to go out to eat, and you don’t want to take a shrimp chimichanga home with you, so just finish it! Just this one time…”

Yeah, I was crazy uncomfortable the rest of the night. Geez! I just want to hear and listen and obey that motherly voice in my mind! And you know, I think it all goes back to prayer. Cause ya see… who am I NOT talking to in that scenario?

GOD.

The ONE who can actually free me and empower me to hear and listen and obey.

So, it looks like I need to invite God into this little fight in my mind… cause I’m pretty sure that He can put the smack down on both of those voices.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

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July 22, 2013

Day 559: Freckles

Freckles freckle frenzy game spoonful

I came across this pic accidentally and it made me smile way more than the pic I took of my arm freckles! Plus, the little game looks fun – actually the entire website looks fun!
http://spoonful.com/family-fun/freckle-frenzy

My son called me “Freckles” the other day.

We were at the pool and whenever one of us would jump in we’d say: 1-2-3-BulletBoy! or 1-2-3-SuperMan or for me it was

1-2-3-… Freckles.

{Dramatic pause where I don’t actually jump in but instead look at him confused.}

I was like, “Freckles? Why… Freckles???”

He replied, “Cause you have a lot. Ya know, a lot of freckles.”

And ya know what? I kinda do. I mean, kinda. On my shoulders and then spotted around me. And as I looked and found these freckles scattered here and there on my arms, I started to imagine God, sitting up in the great expanse of creation, brush in hand, tongue out (because all truly great artists work with their tongue out), dotting me here and there…

with freckles.

Freckles that Vogue or Abercrombie would probably photoshop right over.

But He put those freckles there, on purpose.
He made my pinky toe slightly gimpy, on purpose.
He designed my left eyelid a tad bit droopy, on purpose.

I was designed, on purpose.

So now it’s time to live, on purpose.

June 15, 2013

WordUp: The Real Issue

Coming across this realization pretty hard-core today.

I seem to learn this over and over again. I have to constantly refocus my mind on WHY I am on this journey. Or, better yet, I have to focus on WHO I am journeying towards.

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September 12, 2012

Day 246: Walk The Line

Day 7 of my Sans-Snacky fast.

So I have figured out yet another thing about my eating (I know, I know… I thought I’d be “done” figuring stuff out at this point too)!

The other night when I had my Thor Pizza experience, I had justified having the pizza because it was still “around” dinner time… so, yeah, that counts as part of dinner, right?!?!

Yeahhhhhh, no.

So I realized that I didn’t really have a clearly defined concept of “dinner” or of a “meal”. And when rules or expectations are not in black and white then I tend to look for the gray. I tend to want to walk the line… not avoid the line.

And ya know… back in Old Testament days, maybe it was the norm to just sin or not sin. Maybe the “line” wasn’t that big of a deal, but once Jesus came… well, He really stepped it up. He made it more about the motivation behind the choice to sin or not to sin. It suddenly became more about the actual thoughts. It wasn’t just adultery to have an affair, but now to look at a married person and want them was adultery. It wasn’t just murder to take someone’s life… but to hate them… that was murder in your heart.

Well, a similar concept is going on here… I knew in my soul that I was “breaking” my covenant fast with God by eating when I was no longer sitting down to eat dinner at the table but I was still eating. But, I just thought about the outward action of it and since it was “around” dinner time I went with it anyway.

It might not have been gluttony (although it was… cause I wasn’t hungry but I was still eating) from the outside looking in, but it was gluttony in the sense that, in my soul, I was choosing what I was lusting after instead of choosing what was right.

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. 2 Timothy 2:22

So I tell ya… poor Thor… but I think that next time I have to make that pizza that I’m going to have to bake it, take out my son’s two pieces or whatever, and then immediately wrap up the rest of it in foil and toss it in the freezer. I want to run from that stuff. I don’t want to walk that line of sin. I want to run as far away from it as possible!

(And I got some practice at this pretty quick cause my son asked for two pieces of pizza for dinner tonight and then only. ate. one. Oh heavens. But because I had already written this post, I was able to withstand. I wrapped that piece back up and put it in the fridge. Here is the temptation of gluttony in solid form…

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August 11, 2012

Day 214: Fasting 101

Day 11 of my hard-core Daniel Fast.

Well, I should have worked on my post during nap but I really just wanted to play dress up… and that turned into a little closet kriya… which turned into a big closet kriya.

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But it feels good to have done it! Although most of the stuff came from my top tier of clothes (like they are my winter clothes and my don’t-fits, so they are up extra high and I have to use a ladder to get up there) so the main part of my itty bitty closet doesn’t look that different!

What I really wanted to write about were some thoughts that I was having this afternoon right after lunch. I was super craving something… decadent. I think it is because I saw the tupperware of leftover chocolate no-bake cookie bars that I made the other night for my book club. They were apparently really, reallllly good. And well, they have peanut butter and chocolate in them. That combo is like flipping kryptonite to me!

And I just kept thinking about them. and thinking about them. and thinking about them.

I finally got up and mixed some peanut butter and raisins together as a “treat” (which I really do enjoy) but I wish now I hadn’t even done that. I wasn’t hungry. I was trying to fulfill a desire that was all in my mind… not fulfilling a physical need for nutrients. Humph. Oh well.

But I did start thinking about what Daniel said in the verses that inspire most Daniel Fasters (in Daniel 10)… he said that he ate “no rich foods”.

Soooooo why no rich, choice, tasty foods for his fast?

I guess when you deny yourself of something “rich” then you are reminded of sacrifice. Like, when I want a chocolate no-bake cookie bar and then I realize “Oh, I can’t have one…” it forces me to think of my sacrifice. of my choice to abstain. And those thoughts make me remember who drove me to abstain. and why He led me down that path.

And that leads to an opportune time to pray over whatever it is that God motivated me to fast about instead of thinking about something earthly like a chocolate no-bake cookie bar.

Maybe all of this was like a review for those of you who are well studied in the art of fasting, but I guess 214 days in, I needed a little bit of a reminder as to the who, what, where, and when of it all.

August 7, 2012

Day 210: THE Force

Day 7 of my hard-core Daniel Fast!

Yes… this is a Death Star cookie jar a la Star Wars. Totally brilliant! I couldn’t help myself!

So, my pastor said something on Sunday that has been sticking in my mind…

“You’ll never know the full force of temptation until you are able to resist it.”

I’ve been really thinking on that. It took me a second… okay, a few seconds… to really grasp what it was that he was saying. Here’s my reworking of it… I feel the force of temptation when I am trying to not eat a chocolate chip cookie from, say, Chick Fil A (cause holy moly… have you SEEN those things?!?! They are beastly awesome looking!). But, if I “give in” and eat the cookie then I really might only feel 30% of the force of temptation if I give in quickly. Maybe if I wait a while I might feel 90% of the force of temptation. Maybe even 99.9% of the temptation. But… if I’m giving in to the temptation… if I eat the proverbial Chick Fil A cookie, then I never have the “opportunity” to feel a full 100% of the force of temptation.

I almost felt like I was writing a Star Wars blog post there for a second… with all the times I wrote “the force”.

But, gosh… it is so accurate. It totally makes sense.

And at the same time… I think that there is a second part to that statement:

And until you are able to resist temptation, you’ll not know the full force of freedom in Christ.

Cause peeps… dizang. Once I finally started to tap into the Power of the Holy Spirit to resist temptation in my life, and once those temptations were so easily squelched and resisted: WOW. Then, I felt this freedom like I have never felt in my life. And I felt powerful. I felt like I had been infused with some kind of supersonic supernatural elixir to stand up to anything, and that’s because I HAD been infused with it!

I mean, let me break it down for you… for yearrrrrrrs I had been unable to resist that Chick Fil A cookie (well, maybe not necessarily THAT cookie cause honestly I have only just seen their cookie today… but you get my point)… so for years, I have warred against that cookie. loathed it. resented it. desired it. lamented it. lusted for it. and then eventually, ate it. I have almost always given in. And if I didn’t give in one day, I was sure to give in the next. or the next.

And so once I finally allowed God to become my motivation for NOT eating that cookie instead of my health being my motivation, or my weight, or my cravings, etc. Once I made that change, then I was able to hurdle over that line of not-resisting temptation into the realm of resisting temptation. And oh what a freeing feeling that is. And it continues to be freeing. I still feel a bit of a triumph like I did today watching both of my boys chowing down into those CFA cookies while I just… looked on.

It was just one of those moments where I truly felt… truly knew… that The Force was with me.

June 11, 2012

Day 153: Search Party

Am I eating too much?
Would this food honor God?
Why am I eating right now?
Is this food becoming a new “addiction”?

Ya know, so much of the success of this “diet” has had little to do with the actual food choices that I have made and far more to do with looking inside myself and really evaluating myself. I think that I knew pretty early that it wasn’t the food that was really the problem… cause when I looked at my basic diet it really wasn’t that bad… it was the “extras” (sugar, chocolate, bread, chips, etc) that were really getting to me, but I was never eating the “extras” because I was hungry and rarely was I eating them because I craved them… I was eating them for a slew of reasons that were in my heart and my soul and my mind.

And multiple times throughout this experience I have had to do some real honest looking at myself. Cause I honestly thought that once I cut out sugar and chocolate that my issues would be over. I don’t think I realized how much I was overeating as well on just regular foods nor did I realize that chips and bread really were issues for me as well.

So, as I would realize that I wasn’t losing weight (back when I was weighing) or that I wasn’t getting into any smaller sizes, then I have had to look at my life and my eating and my motivations and my thoughts and my Bible reading and my emotions and my… me. But all I have had to do was allow God to search me and show me what was going on. I may have fought it (like right now I am having a “discussion” with Him about dairy… and wouldn’t ya know, my favorite brand of feta cheese was OUT at Sam’s when I went today… in the year that I have been shopping there it has NEVER been out!) and I might not have chosen to add it to my covenant right away, but He always seems to show me.

And again I think that this is a part of the covenant diet that is going to spill over into other areas of my life… because I am learning a) that He will show me if there is something that offends Him, and b) that He will then lead me along the path of everlasting life… in essence, He will show me what to do. He will conquer it. He will purify me.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24

The only “danger” here is that, like I said, He will show me if there is something that offends Him… but then He really expects me to do something about it. Now, I fully believe that only God can conquer habitual addictive sins. But He expects me to do what I can to help my earthly body to get away from that sin. For example, I knew that God would be the only one that could conquer my addiction to sugar, but my part was to make the deal with Him to give it up in the first place. I know that God can help me to find more self-motivation to do my work around the house, but first I’m going to have to commit to Him that I will make choices with my time to honor Him.

So, if He shows one of us that a certain food is an issue that needs to be added to our covenant, then we do it. If He shows us that although we agreed to only fast Monday-Saturday, that we need to add Sundays to the covenant agreement, then we do it (you know who you are- haha!).

But first, we must ask God to show us. reveal our true selves. test us. try us. know us. and the best part… lead us.

February 18, 2012

Day Thirty-Nine: Damsel In Distress

I want to start out by saying that I’m so glad that I decided to do this for a year. Five weeks in and I’m realizing that I’m gonna need another 47 weeks to get this worked out. That might sound like I’m “down” but it’s actually almost like a sigh of relief! I am just really glad that I gave myself a lot of time to get “over” this addiction. To work through my bad habits. To become a new creation. Too often before I have expected myself to become a new creation over night and that’s not always the way that it works. I mean, hey, I have thirty-three years of addictive habits that I’m trying to break. That might take a little while!

Now, with that being said, I feel like I have moved into Phase II of this experience. Phase I was getting past my addiction to sugar, namely, chocolate. Honestly… haha, yeah… honestly, I thought that was my only “issue”. Nope. Turns out that I realize over and over that it really wasn’t about the chocolate at all (well, okay, maybe a bit because it was soooooooo good), but that it has been an issue of the heart. So, once chocolate was gone I simply started to slowly work in new “addictions”. But the good news is that I’m not going to let those new addictions master me for the next thirty-three years but I’m going to deal with them now. nip them in the bud now. abolish them from my life now.

So… yeah. In a way I feel like I am back at square one. I’m seeing some of the same tendencies popping back up! Eating what is not beneficial but is still technically “okay” on the fast (e.g. potato chips). Eating past the sensation of full (e.g. dinner last night and tonight when I ate two servings worth and was way past full). Eating too late in the day and ignoring hunger sensations in the hopes that I would let my belly eat a little fat while I starved a bit (e.g. yesterday when I tried to skip lunch altogether).

I can tell that my weight loss has stalled out a little bit and I think that it is because of these things.

So, I’m needing to remind myself of the covenant. And I don’t think that this is a sign of me faltering, or Satan winning, or a lack of faith, discipline, etc.

I have just finished reading through Joshua in my daily bible readings, and after Joshua and the Israelites cross over the Jordan River (God, again, stops the water from flowing so that they can cross) they pile up 12 stones that someone from each tribe picked up when they were crossing the river. Then Joshua tells them why:

“In the days to come, when your children ask their fathers, ‘What are these stones doing here?’ tell your children this: ‘Israel crossed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ “Yes, God, your God, dried up the Jordan’s waters for you until you had crossed, just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed. This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God in solemn reverence always. Joshua 4:21-24

It’s not that atypical to set reminders… to need reminders. Heck, it’s all through the bible of the Israelites setting up altars to God to remind themselves that He came through. Like Noah when they got out of the boat. He built an altar to God. I just really like how this part ends… the stones are there so that they can tell others what God did… and why He did it: so that everyone would know how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that we would revere Him always.

So, I am going to be thinking over the next few days of a way that I can set up my stones to remind me that God’s rescuing hand (which I just love that adjective… not just His hand, but his rescuing hand) is strong and that I should revere Him. In the past I might have put a picture of me looking all fatty to “demotivate” me from eating, or a picture of me all skinny to “motivate” me to not eat, or a pig, or a… well, you get the picture. But now again, I am pulling the attention away from me and refocusing it on the things of eternity.

And I think when I see those “stones” and remember that my God has a strong rescuing hand… I might just allow myself to be rescued at that moment. A damsel in distress rescued by The Knight In Shining Armor.

Wow… sounds kind of like a love story.

Yep. The Love Story.

February 15, 2012

Day Thirty-Six: Mixed Veggies Mindset

I think that I have realized over the past week or so that I need to sorta “revisit the vision” cause lately I have been following the covenant but my heart has not been in it. Since I really want this to be a change of the heart, soul, and mind… then I need to pretty frequently evaluate my motivation, my heart, my thinking, my reasons, etc.

Like I said, I have been sticking to the “letter of the Law” of the covenant, but not necessarily the spirit of it as well. I was still staying within my parameters as far as what I could eat, but I wasn’t trying to eat well. I was being a lazy eater and trying to sorta stay in the covenant without really having to work at it.

For example, technically a peanut butter and honey sandwich is okay for me to have in the covenant. But not necessarily beneficial. Beneficial would be for me to attempt to go “beyond the Law” if that makes sense. Like, sure I can have the peanut butter and honey sandwich, but it would be better for me if I ate the apple instead, or mixed veggies (like I had today for lunch), or a baked potato. That way I’m not necessarily trying to just stick to the Law (like one tries to “stick” to a diet) but I am trying to please God by going beyond just what the Law asks me to do.

And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, this is not something that I would think about on a diet. I would totally be focused on how to follow the diet in the most indulgent way possible. (Like, if I get 2,000 calories a day then how many brownies can I eat and stay in that range?) But since this is about so much more than just a diet, then I can get excited about not having that peanut butter and honey sandwich (which is actually one of my favorite things) but excited in having a bowl of mixed veggies (which was surprisingly good… although I do wish they would leave out the peas. Ick. Not sure why God even bothered with those things).

All of these efforts are in hopes… no, in faith… of being free from food. I was teetering on my mind falling right back into the same slavery as before even though I was still following the covenant. I would have just made sandwich bread, tortillas, chips, etc my new “chocolate”.

Now I’m going to go out of order on these verses but for a reason:

If you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God’s grace. Galatians 5:4

That was me… yesterday. A slave to the Law. Being driven by the Law. Trying to do right by keeping the Law. But today…

Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. Galatians 5:1

Today I have once again been set free. My mindset today is how can I please God with what I eat? So even though that PB&H sandwich would not make Him mad… it might not make him pleased like the bowl of mixed veggies.

Wow. Who knew that mixed veggies could symbolize so much? Haha!

 

February 14, 2012

Day Thirty-Five: Chocolate Celebration Day (aka: Valentine’s Day)

Sooooooooo I kinda dropped off on my blogging for a few days there! Sorry to anyone that is reading these! Thirty days of blogging consistently was actually a pretty big accomplishment for me! I’ll try to catch up on those posts soon.

And actually, I was kinda not “feelin” the excitement of the whole covenant thing for those few days, so I was probably not as motivated to post. Which is weird because I had some great “weight” moments… like on Sunday, I fit into a skirt that I haven’t worn in five years! My “skinny” jeans have officially become baggy. My family all ate these glorious looking steaks on Saturday night (the same day that we had a big breakfast with bacon and pigs in a blanket)… and it really wasn’t difficult at all to not eat that stuff.

Maybe it’s a good thing though… the habits that I’m making now are starting to solidify and I didn’t really think about being on the covenant. Heck, even today (which some people might call Valentine’s Day, but to a dieter, it is really Chocolate Celebration Day, haha!) when I went to the store only to be confronted with a smorgasbord of chocolate and sugar delicacies, I was in no way tempted or even bummed out that I will “miss out” on all of that. Of course, it certainly gets my husband off the hook… he doesn’t have to run into a store and frantically try to find me a chocolate heart!

Maybe I made too big of a deal of chocolate in my mind cause my life has been completely fine without it! Annnnnnnnnd, I think this is why:

We’re being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness. Titus 2:11-14

There are just so many great things in these verses! And it is soooooo accurate.

God,
It feels so good today to be freed from that indulgent life. I have so longed, and still long, for my life to be God-filled and God-honoring. And the best part… this new life you have given me IS now! What a breath of freshness in my soul. Thank you… thank you for freeing me from my old dark, rebellious life… continue to push me toward this good, pure life. It is sooooooo much better. I want to be a person you can be proud of. I want to be energetic in my goodness. Change me, mold me. Thank you, God, for my new life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Amen

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