Posts tagged ‘bread’

April 28, 2013

Day 474: I Am On A Diet

20130428-052121.jpg

I’m gonna admit it.

I’m on a diet.

But I don’t want to be.

I want to be on a covenant.

Well, more accurately: I want to want to be on a covenant.

But I’m on a diet.

I decided to do a little Daniel Fast for a few weeks until my brother’s thirtieth birthday weekend. But really, I’m gonna be honest with ya. It was just cause I wanted to lose some more weight. It had nothing to do with God other than I picked a “diet” from the bible. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still think he’s telling me to “go back to the beginning” like I mentioned on Day 464: Out Of Options and I still think that eating a Daniel Fast-type-diet is the way to go for me… it’s just that I’m having some difficulty standing by it cause it was more about ME and so not about HIM.

If it were about Him, I’d like to think that I’d been relentless about not eating meat, about not eating bread, about eating fruit and veggies, about going to the grocery store to get some real food supplies, about cooking Daniel Fast meals.

But relentless, I have not been.

{I blame that little yoda moment right there on the fact that I’m writing at 4:40am.}

And I’m not here to beat myself up. I’m here to lay it out there. Cause I’m on a journey. And a journey has a lot of deviations from the path. I’m still heading in the right direction, but sometimes I get diverted off the highway. or I think I’m too worn out and I need a pit stop. or I’m just too. dern. tired. to go any further. So, now I realize how much I need His Power. His Spirit. His Life.

Realizing that again, gets me back on that highway. It gets me focusing on The Thing that matters again.

God. The Word. The Holy Spirit. The Forgiveness of Jesus Christ. The Calling to be a Blessing to the World.

Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. Galatians 5:16

So, Holy Spirit… guide my life. I don’t want to do what my sinful nature craves. Guide my life. Guide me. Guide my mind. Guide my actions. Guide my thoughts, my hopes, my fears. Guide me to God.

Advertisements
January 4, 2013

Day 360: Pit Stop

20130104-223651.jpg

I really debated about rolling over my day “count” (ie… Day 364… Day 365… Year Two:Day 1) or sticking with the count that I already have going (ie Day 364… Day 365… Day 366).

I think that I have decided to stick with a rolling number instead of starting at 1 again. First of all, and this is my highly spiritual reason, I don’t really want to write out “Year Two” every single time I post. Ha! But also, I really do have a spiritual reason… I started to think about “the journey” and I have keenly realized over the past few days how it has not “started over” as I referred to it before, but it is merely another leg of the journey.

Kind of like a road trip (since we are going along the analogy of a journey). Let’s say that I’m driving from Dallas to Denver.

I can look on Google maps and know that the entire journey is going to be about 880 miles. (Gosh, if that isn’t motivation in and of itself to fly there then I don’t know what is.) But, I also know that there are going to be “pit stops” along the way… to eat, refuel, de-fuel (if you get my meaning… har har har… I know, I’m a nerd).

For example, I’d probably stop every two-hundred miles or so. In Oklahoma City, Oklahoma… then on to Salina, Kansas… and a final pit stop in Colby, Kansas before driving on to Denver.

But when it comes down to it, if someone were to ask… “Oh wow, you drove from Dallas to Denver? How far is that?” I probably wouldn’t answer:

Oh it was 205 miles to Oklahoma City, then 247 miles to Salina, another 203 miles to Colby, and then we finished the last 234 miles into the heart of Denver.

No… I’d just say, “Oh, it was 880 miles!

And I guess that’s how I feel about this whole experience… the “turn over” from year to year is kind of like my “pit stop”. I really did take a bit of a break at the end of the year and reevaluate if things were still issues or not.

In my case, I totally assumed last year that I’d be “done” at the end… it was like I thought I’d get to Denver driving only 205 miles! Haha! It’s like the end of the year was coming closer and I was realizing reallllll quick: “This is not Denver. Toto… we’re not even in Kansas yet!”

I never IMAGINED that I would re-start the covenant by choice and ADD two restrictions (bread and chips)! But I’m already sooooo glad that I did! Just the past few days have shown me how much bread, mainly, I was relying upon. I see so clearly how my journey is NOT complete. And I’m so, so, sooooo very glad that I didn’t just up and stop my covenant when I was finished. Even just the past few days have already made the second leg of my journey worth it!

And I know that I have said this so much recently, but I’m still just kind of in awe at the way I thought (you know what they say… hindsight is 20/20). So, I guess a bit of the lesson I have learned is two-fold:

1. Don’t Rush God. He has the map. He knows exactly how long it would take. Sureeeeee, plan a few pit stops here and there to make sure you and He are on the same part of the map, but He’ll let you know when you arrive. And it just might take wayyyyy longer than you thought. And it just might take wayyyyyy less time than you thought, too.

This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. Habakkuk 2:3

2. Don’t Be Married To Your Plan. Sometimes I think I have missed out on things because I was trying so desperately to stick to my plan that I didn’t see that God was leading me a way I had not planned. Oftentimes then I miss things while He has to turn me around. I mean… think about it, have you ever MISSED an exit or a turn because you were LOOKING at your map?!?! I do that with God… I’m so busy focusing on MY PLAN that I miss HIS PLAN… I miss THE RIGHT WAY. If I would just follow Him and, essentially, ignore my own map… then I can never be lost.

God says, “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.Jeremiah 29:13

December 30, 2012

Day 355: Cray Cray

This Diet Is Cray Cray

{Cray = crazy… Kanye and Jay-Z rap it in a song. And I’ll fully admit that I have not even heard the song that this is from (at least I don’t think I have) but my husband and I say “That’s cray cray” all the time… so, I guess there’s the influence of him having taught 8th graders! And yes, I made my first ecard for it, too. Haha! Okay… on to more important things…}

It’s almost time for the new year.

Which means resolutions for some…

…covenant for me.

I’ve reallllly been doing some thinking and praying about this year and the covenant that I am to make with God. I think that I’ve known for the past couple of months that things were going to have to change.

Last year when I started my current covenant, it was so easy to pick the things that I would “fast” from… sugar and meat. No brainer. Those were my big gluttonous areas. Doing a Daniel Fast really brought that to light for me. And wow, that was it… untilllll about October and the nasty gluttony eating jumped off The Sugar Ship and climbed aboard The Bread Boat and The Chip Cruise. (Hehe… like my little boat analogies?!?!)

And honestly, I have thought about all different kinds of variations of the covenant for 2013. Knowing that gluttony is still an issue for me… mind you it is far, far, far less of an issue, but it is an issue all the same… I knew that some kind of restrictions were in order.

  • The Detour Covenant: Originally, I just thought that I’d stay the course with a few “detours”… same covenant but with birthday parties, national holidays, and full moon days as “no-covenant” days. They would still have to be glutton-free, but the actual food restrictions would be lifted on those days.
  • The Flip It Covenant: But, really, over the past few days (and especially on this day) I have realized that bread and chips have wedged their way into a borderline addiction… I started thinking along those lines. Soooo, maybe flip it? Make sugar “okay” and bread “off-limits”?
  • The Detour Flip-It Covenant: Okay, but honestly… not sure that I’m ready to wander out into the word of refined sugars again. Not quite yet. Sooooo, I would need to stick with the Detour Covenant for that, but I know that I need for bread and chips to be defeated as well. And that’s sort of the Flip-It Covenant. So, it’s not really either of those… it’s a Detour Flip-It Covenant.

And yes, I know that these names are in no-way “cool” or “religious” sounding… but I like to give things nicknames to help me remember, annnnnd well, those names help me remember.

But essentially, I am thinking about doing the same covenant as last year (no sugar, no meat) with the detours that I mentioned above, but this time also doing no-bread, no chips…

WHAT?!?!?

Come on, January… that’s cray cray.

No sugar. No meat. No bread. No chips.

… … …

Cray.

Cray.

I know. I know.

But you know what else is crazy? Living a life of gluttony and bondage and sadness and insecurity and failure WHEN there is a God that offers moderation and freedom and joy and confidence and victory. It is things like this that I think truly match up with what He meant…

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” (Luke 9:23-24)

I just don’t want to hold on to too much of this world. This gluttony is a thorn in my side and I have seen God work miracles in my life in regards to sugar like I mentioned yesterday… and I know that He can do more. that He wants to do more. that He is willing to do more. that He is WAITING to do more.

So.

What IS my new covenant going to be?

  • The Cray Cray Covenant: I can eat fruits, vegetables, nuts, cheese, pasta, and rice. No sugar, no meat, no bread, no chips. I will have “Celebration Days” (birthday parties, national holidays, and full moon days) when I do not have to follow these restrictions. Gluttony is NEVER acceptable: it is a sin.

So, yeah… crazy. I know. But I am learning a crazy faith. a crazy belief. a crazy confidence. My God will save me.

This is what the Lord God says: I, myself, will search for my sheep and take care of them. As a shepherd takes care of his scattered flock when it is found, I will take care of my sheep. I will save them from all the places where they were scattered on a cloudy and dark day. Ezekiel 34:11-12

August 22, 2012

Day 225: Limitation Station

Day 1 off of my hard-core Daniel Fast.

No, I promise I’m not gonna count every day of the days that I’ve been “off” my hard-core fast, but today it is kind of important. The days following a fast when I institute food back into my diet are often precarious.

I have been a bit nervous about adding back in coffee (and excited too… not for the buzz but because I have been missing the flavor!) and bread… cause I have been having some issues with bread the past few months.

So I had a cup of coffee this morning! And please note: I had a cup of coffee this morning. Not two. Not three not four, five, six. But a cup! It was delish!

Actually. Falsehood. It wasn’t delish. I mean. It was good. Now, I had it after the boys woke up so I didn’t really get to sit and enjoy it like I usually do before they wake up. I had to reheat it twice, but still… it was good. But mostly I was happy that I limited myself to one cup!

And then during my typical hot spot, I did my prayer time so no worries there. But about 3:00 I got hungry. Needless to say, I need to go to the store so we had like nothing covenant-worthy in the house.

Waiiiiit. Falsehood. Again.

Maybe that’s what I “told” myself but truth be known, there is an apple, a clementine, raisins, peanuts, peanut butter, beans, and several other things had I really looked. But I have been limited to those things for the past few weeks and I wanted… something. else.

So I made my “granola bar in a bowl”. It’s very filling and I really enjoy the flavors. But it can be a “dessert” substitute if I’m not careful.

So, I realized pretty quickly. Okay, if I “turned” to this on day one and I know I shouldn’t have it every day, then this might need to be a thing that I put a limitation on. So, I decided that I can have it once a week. And even just deciding that made me feel better!

It’s weird, too, when I think about it that the longer I’m on the covenant, the more limitations I want to put on myself. I guess the covenant experience has shown me that my true happiness and freedom are found as I bind myself to God. Limitations are no longer something to be feared. or dreaded. Limitation is something that I embrace because it gives me freedom from stressing about those things. freedom from the spiritual war. When I limit myself, I feel as if I have already won the battle! That is a wonderful feeling!

And this verse totally struck my mind… it totally expresses the journey that I have gone on this year:

    Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 7:24
June 15, 2012

Day 157: I’m Just Somebody That I Used To Know

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing

I don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger

And that feels so rough

No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records

And then change your number

Guess that I don’t need that though

Now you’re just somebody that I used to know.
(Gotye)

Okay, I’m going to admit it… I really. like. this. song.

I know, I know… what am I? A teenie bopper or something? (What is a teenie bopper anyway? Is that a real word?) But the song always instantly takes me back to sitting in my closet with my record player that looked like a Crayola box (yes, it was beyond totalllllllly rad) listening to my dad’s The Mamas and The Papas album. It just has a similar kind of sound to it or something. Mind you, I know very little about music (a bit ironic for the wife of the inventor of ChordDice, right?!!? Haha!) but I love to listen to it  so I have no idea if this song is “good” or not, but I do really like it.

And so tonight as I was about to start writing, this song came to my mind.

Because now I am just somebody that I used to know.

Huh?

Well, my post was originally going to be about how I never really think of chocolate anymore… like, ever. And that’s just kind of… amazing to me considering how my thoughts were completely enveloped by chocolate before my covenant.

And so I started thinking about who I was on January 8th when I was having my cookie dough gorging… thinking about who that girl was sitting there looking up information about Overeaters Anonymous while her tears poured down into the huge mixing bowl of cookie dough that she had eaten all of over a span of three days. And, now, she’s just… somebody that I used to know.

Because now… I never think about chocolate. I only really think about sugar when I’m making my boys something that contains sugar which is pretty rare actually.

But I do think about Jesus a lot. Okay, and I think about breadsticks some. and ribeye steak… yeah, definitely ribeye steak. But a whole lot more thinking of Jesus than I was thinking of Him back then.

And honestly, when I look at how tight me and Jesus are now… well, I want that girl to be just somebody that I used to know. And I really don’t need her number because I don’t want to know her again. And I’m glad she took her records and treats me like a stranger. Cause I don’t need to know her anymore. Cause this is the me that I want to be. was meant to be.

I belong to Christ, and so I’ve become a new person. My old life is gone; my new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17

(Yeah, I changed that verse into first-person… you can see the whole list of verses that I have done this to on yesterday’s post)

May 11, 2012

Day 122: Eat His Words

My husband brought home a surprise Olive Garden dinner for us last night. It was my fav OG meal: shrimp fettucini alfredo, OG salad, stuffed mushrooms, and… breadsticks.

Dern those things. I mean… don’t get me wrong. They are uh.maz.ing. Like truly one of the foods that was delish before I went on my Lent fast and was still delish after my Lent fast.

But I think as good as they are, I need a “break” from them… from bread and chips.

I have really been praying on what I should do and time and time again I feel pulled to stop eating them. My only reluctance comes from how it can limit some of my fav meals like enchiladas or this “chips n chicken” recipe both my husband and I love (I use mushrooms in my half).

So I’m going to try a “balance” for this one. I’m going to modify my covenant from “avoiding” breads and chips unless they are in a recipe to refraining from eating breads and chips unless they are an ingredient for a recipe.

Cause really, it’s just not worth it. Both breads and chips have become an issue that is slowly, stealthily creeping towards being “bigger” than Jesus in my mind.

If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away! It is much better for you to lose one of your limbs than to have your whole body go off to hell. Matthew 5:30

Of course, I’m not talking about cutting off a limb but it is a similar principle. There is something in my life that is taking my focus off of Christ… just like the chocolate and sugar was (although that was more severe for me which is why I know that I can afford myself no leniency with it)… so I am going to chop it off and rid that distraction.

Now for how long? For a month? Three months? The duration of the covenant?

Yeah… I think bread and chips are a big enough of an issue that they need to go for the rest of the year.

My mind was just teetering on writing this: {sigh} but then I thought, “Wait, think about how you really feel……” and there it was. Not disappointment. Not fear. Not regret.

Peace.
Relief.
Joy.

Truly… People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. Matthew 4:4

April 26, 2012

Day 107: Request For Prayer

So I guess there are enough of you guys out there now that I can ask you guys for prayer. I am sorta struggling with how to handle this new desire with bread. It’s soooooooo much smaller than my issue with sugar and chocolate were but nonetheless it is a budding issue that I have addressed a few times now.

I am trying to decide between two things:
1) Put bread on the covenant list of things I agree not to eat.
2) Continue to try to “avoid” it.

Here are my thoughts- if I make bread a “no” then I know that I won’t eat it because I will have made a deal with God not to eat it. But at the same time then I won’t get any practice in making the right choice.

If I continue to try to avoid it I can almost assuredly tell you that I will probably slip up occasionally. But it does afford me the ability to eat more easily (e.g. enchiladas, black bean burgers, etc.).

I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I know this is a “first-world” problem and all but what it really boils down to is not so much in the decision of eat or don’t eat, but I want to make a decision that will a) continue to give me renewal, b) bring me even and ever closer to Jesus, and c) glorify God.

I am just at the point where I don’t know which is which. Ya know, it’s like a win-win situation from the looks of it. But I want it to be a win-glorify situation.

So, this is a request of you all to pray for God to guide my decision making. That no matter what I eat or drink that I would bring glory to God.

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

April 12, 2012

Day Ninety-Three: Fallen And Forgiven

Well… here I am again. Humbled. Contrite. Subdued. But most importantly… I am forgiven.

We had a little birthday party for my mom last night, and oh… I was a champ! I made mozzarella sticks, creamy chive and chicken pasta, orange maple glazed carrots and sweet potatoes, dilly green beans and red potatoes, cheese filled garlic bread sticks, cheesecake, and ice cream. I ate the sweet potatoes, carrots, and the green beans and red potatoes. I was so happy that I had done well! I had chosen what was BEST!

Annnnnnnnnnd then today happened.

I woke up feeling poorly and I’m supposed to leave tomorrow on my first retreat (as in, I have not gone off on my own since 2007)! So, I snuck a Zicam in and then we left to take my husband to work. Well, the Zicam bottle very clearly says “Don’t take on a empty stomach”, but did I read it before I took it? Noooooo, of course not. So I started to feel icky. When we got home, I was still wanting to choose what was best so I grabbed an orange. And, well, the Zicam bottle also very clearly states to not eat citrus for thirty minutes after. So at that point I was feeling really gross. I saw the mozzarella sticks in the fridge and figured they would help a bit since they were mainly cheese.

Well, I wish that was my entire thought process, but really I had been looking for an excuse to eat one all day. So, I had one. End of story!

Nope again! I had seven more. Then I ate all of the bread sticks that were in the same bag. Knowing it was gluttony. Knowing it was wrong for me. Knowing.

And then later that night: three tortillas. I had reverted. Well, if I “broke” the covenant in my heart already then what’s the point of sticking with it? Granted I never thought about going back to chocolate, but it was the. exact. same. sickness of the heart! Bread, chocolate, chips, ice cream… it didn’t matter what it was… I disobeyed the voice in my heart. I disobeyed God.

But again, I am happy that I don’t have to spiral down into a pit of sin, despair, and overeating. I can make a choice after a day like that–

  • Be like David – having sinned – and ask God to cleanse me (Psalm 51)

or…

  • Be like the Israelites and abandon myself to this idol of food… and forgo the blessings of God and embrace a life of consequence.

I may not have responded perfectly to the temptation but at least I can embrace forgiveness and move on to a new day. Am I defined as a glutton because of this one day of bread gorging? No. I am a Daughter of the King. I am a woman fallen AND forgiven. And I pray that again, God would “restore to me the joy of His salvation and make me willing to obey Him.Psalm 51:12

April 7, 2012

Day Eighty-Eight: Cat Call

I’m not even entirely sure how to breach such a subject, but again, my blog is an avenue for me to work through issues that arise from a food addict losing a food addiction.

Like I mentioned yesterday, I have lost quite a bit of weight… would my body be featured in a magazine? Ummmmm, no. Would I want it to be? Ummmmm, no. But it does look a bit more like what this world praises as “fit”. According to whatever people invented the BMI, I have moved off of the obese range and am now “just” overweight.

But enough of that talk… what is my point?

Well, I got my first “cat call” in years the other day from some random guys down the street. And I mention it here because… well, because it felt good. It felt good to be found attractive by someone other than a family member that HAS to think that I’m beautiful (or at least has to SAY it whether they think it or not). But these were just random people that I have never seen before and will never see again.

Immediately, I was bursting with… well, I’m not even sure I know what I was bursting with. First there was a bit of surprise along with a look around to see who they were talking about. Upon realizing that it was me, I guess it was just regular ol’ pride I was feeling.

Okay, so a surge of pride, then the moment was gone, right?

Nope. I wish that had been the case but it wasn’t. I allowed my thoughts to linger on that “compliment” for hours. I had craved that kind of feedback for so long before meeting my husband (who compliments me all the time, by the way)… and I guess my mind just sort of falls back on that.

But I also began to hear that voice in my head that I was chasing after something wrong. Something dangerous. Oh how I wanted to ignore that voice and continue to bask in their words a while longer. But I kept hearing “THAT is not The Way… THAT is not why I have freed you.”

I have been freed from chocolate but do not want to simply pick up another habit of overeating chips and bread. Same thing here… I don’t want to lose an obsession with food simply to replace it with an obsession based on how mankind views my body. I’m afraid the latter would be a far more dangerous addiction than chocolate, bread, or chips.

Don’t judge by appearance or height… The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

March 21, 2012

Day Seventy-One: Better Than Sliced Bread

On Sunday, our pastor presented a really great message about how we tend to create our own Jesus… he called it our own American Jesus. And he also said that we oftentimes read more of what Paul has to say than what Jesus said in the gospels. I guess I kind of think that Jesus said all of it (through Paul… through Moses… through all of the authors), but I totally see his point. And he’s right… I often to turn to Romans and keep on going right when I am looking for guidance.

And as he went through what the gospels say about Jesus, he mentioned John 6:35…

Jesus replied, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35

I wrote it down and put a star next to it. Why? Because it had the word “bread” in it! haha! I’m just always on the look out for times that the Bible talks about food. And for some reason I had not yet thought about this verse. I guess it’s for… today.

Anyway, so like usual, I went through and looked at the rest of the chapter because oftentimes it is just as enlightening as “the” verse that I originally went to look at. And here is another verse in the same conversation that grabbed my attention…

But don’t be so concerned about perishable things like food. Spend your energy seeking the eternal life that the Son of Man can give you. John 6:27

And I realized when I read that why some of my posts have started to lean away from food into just a regular ol Jesus devotional. Sometimes, I re-read an entry before posting and realize that it has absolutely nothing at all to do with food, or breaking addictions, or anything of the sort. I have to back track and remember what in my experience led me to discover that particular verse.

And that is spot-on what I want to happen!

The more and more that I start to turn my focus away from “perishable things like food” and onto “the eternal life that the Son of Man can give me”… the more and more that I find myself forgetting about the food and thinking only of the awesomeness of Christ.

And anyway… He says that whoever believes in Him will never be hungry again.

And that is wayyyyyyyyy better than sliced bread!

%d bloggers like this: