Archive for June, 2012

June 30, 2012

Day 172: I Don’t

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A while back on Day 148, I mentioned that I was going to a wedding and well, I went!

Not that it’s particularly related to this post, but it was so not as much of a big deal (in regards to my weight) as I thought it would be… there were some good friends there, some people that I knew but never got a chance to talk to, and a few people that I might have purposefully avoided… what can I say? I’m still harboring a bit of a low-self-confidence-teenage-girl deep in my soul. But, it was entirely irrelevant whether I was wearing a size 16 or a size 8 (although, for the record, I was wearing none of those things… I was wearing a medium! ha!) and all that really mattered was getting to catch up with a good, good friend that I haven’t seen since graduation. And her life story was far more captivating than my dress size!

Okay, but back to the topic at hand… which does have to do with the wedding though (more precisely, the reception), so stick with me.

The wedding wasn’t until 3:00 and my husband, knowing that it would be just me wanting to talk to old high school friends, opted out of going, so he was going to stay home with the boys. Well, I was ready to go by 1:30 and I decided to duck out before the boys woke up so we wouldn’t have to go through the whole rigamarole of me leaving and their tears and waving to me and watching me drive away.

And after I finished my one need-to-do errand, I realized that I had forgotten to eat lunch and… I still had an hour until the wedding. Afraid that they might not have something that I could eat at the wedding and being at the point where I was getting hunnnnnngary, I started heading toward Petra (this aweeeeeeeesome fresh Mexican food bistro in McKinney).

I got their fish tacos (yum.may.) with charro beans and tortilla soup… it was all uhmazing (there’s a pic of it at the top)! And I sat out on the patio all by myself (cause everyone else likes this stuff called air conditioning… weird, I know) and faced out toward the green belt behind the restaurant and listened to the music that mimics that I would hear on the beaches of Mexico.

I ate just enough until I was full… okay, maybe a smidge past full but not feeling gross or anything, and then I went on to the wedding. The wedding was beau.ti.ful. and so special and I was just so… happy the whole time. It made me both relive the awesomeness of my own wedding and also made me want to renew my vows just so that I can have another wedding cause really, although they are a lot of work, they are also a lot of fun… and there’s the whole white dress thing. Loved her wedding dress.

Okay, okay… the point.

Well, at the reception, there was a whole lot more than just cake and punch… they had a brilliant spread! Sandwiches, fruit, cheese, crackers, etc. etc. etc. And my friends all got up from their table to go get some grub. I wasn’t hungry, but I also really wanted to hang out with them… so I went through the line with them… and didn’t get a thing.

And I didn’t spontaneously combust because I didn’t get food.

And no one pointed and laughed at me.

And I sat back down with my friends while they snacked.

And it was all good.

And I was reminded once again of

a) how much food is intertwined with our lives… to a lot of people wedding = reception = good food and cake
b) how I don’t have to eat when I’m not hungry
c) how far God has brought me
d) how far God still can bring me!

So, although I’m so extremely pleased that my dear friend said “I Do”… I’m just as pleased that I said “I Don’t… want anything to eat.”

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June 29, 2012

Day 171: Honor God Tomorrow

First of all, a note: Sorry for dropping off the planet for a while there. I think I’m about a week behind on my posts, and if you’re new… this happens every once in a while to me. I lose all motivation to share, discuss, write, etc. Annnnnnd that was this past week. Like I mentioned yesterday, I’ve been struggling with the covenant as a whole the past week (I’ll write about my getting past it on day 174). So, anyway… I’m going to try to catch up over the next few days, but we’ll see how that goes!

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I know that I keep on talking about how going to sleep is a huge thing for me, and so… well, I’m going to talk about it again! Summer time is the most difficult time for me to go to bed on time because my ironclad routine that I have during the school year just goes out the window. I mean… I keep some of the same schedule like lunch time and nap times are almost always the same, but pretty much the rest of the stuff goes out the window. Soooo, the boys might wake up at 7:30 (instead of 7:00 that it is during the 180 days of school), and if we go to the mall or something to play then nap time might be around12:30 or 1:00 instead of 12:00, and the worst… if we are outside playing in the sprinkler late in the evening, then I might be too content to let a bed time interrupt us and the boys will stay up until 8:30 or even 9:00 if I’m being really risky.

And so when one of those late bedtimes gets factored into the equation or if I just did a bad job of keeping up with my chores during the day hours (and yes… I call them chores still because cleaning house, doing laundry, cooking, etc… all of that is a chore to me) then I go to bed later. Necessary for me to go to bed later? No, of course not. It’s just that when the boys are both down by 8:00 or 8:15 then I get a good two hours of “me” time before hitting the sack at 10:00. If they go to bed closer to 9:00 then that means I only have one hour left, but my mind and heart and soul still want a full two hours, sooooo I stay up until 11:00. And of course those nights that I stay up until 11:00 are guaranteed to have one of the boys either teething or having growing pains, or one of them will decide that a 6:00 or 6:30 wake up time is more in order throwing off my entire morning “me” time.

Yes. I’m rambling.

But a few nights ago I was really into reading this book for my book club (One Amazing Thing) and I just did not want to put it down. And then I had the good ol spiritual battle conversation:

I should really go to bed.

Nahhhhhhhh… no reason. It’s just sleep. You can get some more tomorrow night, or take a nap tomorrow.

But that never works. And I need to go to bed early enough so that I can honor God.

You can honor God tomorrow… this is “YOU” time!

But that’s it… if I go to bed on time and get enough rest then I will be able to honor God… tomorrow. If I don’t go to sleep now, then I will be too exhausted to properly honor God tomorrow. I’ll be cranky and I’ll want to eat everything.

So, in not-so-typical January form, I put the book down and went to bed at 10:00.

And ya know what? I woke up well rested (despite having to wake up twice in the night for my teething toddler who is still getting in his vampire teeth). I wasn’t cranky. I wasn’t hungry. I actually only needed one cup of coffee (that is a big deal for your non-coffee addicts). It was a good day.

And it was easy to honor God.

Because I chose the night before to honor Him.

And look… we even get a promise about going to bed!

When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Proverbs 3:24

But we have to take action first… we have to lie down (and I don’t think this means lie down in your bed with your iPhone on…).

And although this is “all about” going to bed in order to honor God (because you’ll be less hungry if you do), there are a gillion ways for us to think of how to honor God tomorrow: if it’s food related then get out your covenant-friendly breakfast tonight so that it is ready for you tomorrow. if it’s bible related then get your bible and journal out tonight (and if you’re like me, prep the coffee pot… or even better… program it) so that you can sit down right to reading the Word and sippin on a cup of joe. if it’s child related, then get their clothes out and ready or their breakfasts or plan out the days activities.

But figure out how you’ll honor Him tomorrow and then do it tonight (if you need motivation… my husband taught me this… picture yourself tomorrow going through the steps of easily honoring God… picture yourself walking out of your room into the kitchen and seeing that banana and some granola in a bowl ready for you. picture walking over to the coffee pot and switching it on and then sitting down at your pre-prepared bible spot. picture yourself busting out a June Cleaver moment walking into your children’s bedrooms and effortlessly switching out their PJs for their day clothes.

But try to honor Him tonight for tomorrow (if that makes any sense). Just try it for one time. Maybe just once a week try to honor Him this way. And maybe, just maybe, when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

June 28, 2012

Day 170: Pantry Pinings

I haven’t wanted fruit the past week. Like… at. all. Veggies? Nope. Not so much.

Pantry food? Ohhhhhhhh yeah.

And I have this sort of… numb… feeling about honoring God right now. Pretty sure that it is an aftermath of not reading the bible religiously (i.e. habitually) and not really praying for a couple of weeks. But nonetheless, gotta get my focus back. I need to care about honoring God. I mean it’s not that I’m breaking the covenant (although I got realllllllll close to that line this morning when I made the boys “Cookie Dough Soup”… essentially oatmeal with brown sugar and chocolate chips… and Saxon didn’t want his and I was super hungry so I ate “around” the chocolate chips… ya know, the ones that had melted making it virtually impossible to eat “around” them), but I’m not at all worried about making choices that please Him, or choices that are beneficial, or eating to live instead of living to eat.

And I asked my friend Alice to pray for me because I was really struggling (and honestly I’m writing this on day 173 and I’m still struggling with it), and she said that she didn’t really have any major wisdom for me, but she did say “He’s got this.”

And that’s pretty much the reminder that I needed at that moment. Did I immediately start craving an apple instead of a bowl of granola bathed in almond milk? Nooooooo, but it was a start. And then yesterday, I came across this verse in my regular bible reading and it really struck me as what I’m asking for at this point (I changed it to a prayer, by the way)…

God, please work in me. Give me the desire and the power to do what pleases You. Philippians 2:13

June 27, 2012

Day 169: The Neverending Covenant

Being public about the covenant has been one of the best things for me. Time and time again I have the motivation to make the right choices, the God-honoring choices, because I know that I have people that care about me reading.

But the other day I realized another important truth about this covenant. Because I “went public”, this covenant is no longer just… my… covenant. I chose to share it with hundreds of people… originally in an effort to make myself accountable to others. And that is still a big motivation. But it has also become a help to people. I guess it’s encouraging for people to see someone else struggling with the same issues… to know that we are not alone.

Like, on Facebook when another mom posts a pic of her kids and in the background I can see toys littered all around, dishes piled up in the kitchen, and a laundry basket overflowing with clothes to be folded… well, I just feel so much better! Oh, it’s not just me. It’s not just my house. It’s not just my family. my mistakes. my craziness. my mess. my life. I’m not alone!

And I think that my covenant offers that to some people… a look inside a part of my soul that we spend such emotional effort trying to conceal. That part that we are ashamed of. But I do my best to take a look at my soul every day and take a snapshot of what it really looks like. Some days it’s nice and clean. Some days it’s just a little mess. Some days… it’s a total absolute wreck.

And that’s yet another part of this covenant that makes it so much more than just a “diet”. The connection that I have made with so many of you can’t just end on January 1st. And the connection that I have made with God can’t just end on January 1st either.

But what really struck me the most the other day was that verse…

When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. Luke 12:48

And it made me realize… I have been entrusted with this gift of freedom and with the knowledge of how to get that freedom from food. I thought that a year would originally be my only “requirement” but now I see that I can’t stop this covenant. I can’t just go back to normal again eating ribeyes, and ice cream, and cookie dough, and a dozen breadsticks, and, and, and. I can’t just gain weight back when I’m off of this… it’s not just “some diet”… it’s a covenant with God that I have had. A Change of life… of soul… of heart. I can’t just go back.

And, honestly, I don’t want to.

June 26, 2012

Day 168: Mirror, Mirror

So, I’m now wearing a size 10 pretty comfortably and even a few size 8s. Honestly, a size 8 is what I was hoping to be able to wear at the end of the year… I never hoped that almost halfway through I’d have already have made it here.

Okay, okay… well, maybe I had hoped but I certainly hadn’t expected it!

But one thing that I have known all along is how the temptations would change and alter as my journey progressed. By no means was I ever under the impression that Satan would simply leave me alone…

“Oh welllllll, January is no longer addicted to food. Too bad that didn’t work… guess we’d better move on to the next person cause I just can’t think of anything new to throw into her life to weigh her down again.”

Yeah, not so much. In fact, I think Satan’s thoughts go more like this…

“Okay guys… January is no longer addicted to food. So it’s time to get out the big guns…we’d better move on to a temptation that is bigger, stronger, sneakier, and more difficult to fight off. I can think of several things to choose from.”

And he’s certainly trying out several different ones on me… all dealing with a focus on outward image. Like I mentioned a long time ago in my post Imma Be, I knew that fighting off the desire to be sexy and trendy was going to be an issue. Simply from having lost weight before and having seen the way that I responded to the skinniness. Even now as I fit into those smaller pre-marriage sizes, I’m a little appalled at myself for some of the clothes I’m pulling down from the top of my closet. Phrases like, “I actually wore this in public?!!?” have run through my mind plenty of times!

But one I didn’t expect was a dissatisfaction with my body. Before when I was in college and went from a size 14 to an 8 I thought my size 8 body was off the charts awesome! I was so excited every time I looked in the mirror.

But now, a size 8 body… well, I’ll admit, it makes me happy… but there are also moments when I look in the mirror and start to critique what I see.

Oh… I wonder if that fat flap will ever go away.
My belly button looks weird.
Will my inner thighs will always have that annoying… extraness?
Check out all my varicose veins!!!
If only my back was a little more toned…
I’d give anything if both my eyes were the same size.

And those are just the ones that I can think of right now!  A lot of it is subconscious but more and more I’m thinking it “outloud” in my mind. Which means that I am allowing my mind to acknowledge the “truth” of it.

This is not. good.

This is proof of my identity being found in something other than Christ. And that is unacceptable.

This is proof of me trading the truth about God for a lie. And that is doubly unacceptable.

Because look what happens when we do that…

They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen… Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. Romans 1:25, 28-31

Yeah, so it’s not just me looking in the mirror and being annoyed with my belly button. It is the beginning of something much, much more than that. And honestly, check out that list… I do NOT want to become that person.

Okay, so it’s easy to look at that list and say “Oh no! (insert an inward gasp of fake shock) I don’t want to be those things!” But it’s an entirely other thing to NOT become those things. All I need to do though is look at what led them into those types of lives and reverse it (at least, that makes sense in theory).

They worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise. vs 25

So, to flip the process… I must worship the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise.

And that makes sense, and I am reminded of my post, Exaggerated Eternity, and how it talked about making us smaller to make Him greater.

And I’ll admit… my focus has not be on His awesomeness, His glory, His power, His greatness, His mercy, His… His anything. I am two weeks behind on my bible readings… just doing a bit here and a bit there when I feel a bit guilty.

But God, this day. this moment. I am choosing you. Again, and again, and again, I must go through this process of choosing you. Sorry that it’s not a constant thing for me yet. And I say yet. Because I am not going to be satisfied with my life nor with myself until my choosing of you is a constant thing. And to get me back on focus, I’m going to make you first again. I’m going to give up facebook again since I know that is a deterrent from you… wish it weren’t but it is… and your word will be the first thing I open up in the morning (after I turn off the 23 alarms on my phone that wake me up… haha) and it will be the last thing on my mind at night. And God I ask that you would turn my heart back to your truth. back to your glory. back to You, who are worthy of eternal praise. Amen.

June 25, 2012

Day 167: Not All That

Lately as I have been meeting and talking with people that are doing the Covenant several people have mentioned that they are amazed at my vast knowledge of bible verses. Well, I bumped a post that I had planned for today back a few days in order to reveal my big secret.

A friend recently asked me the question, “How did you learn all those verses? Did you memorize verses as a kid or something?” I huffed a little laugh and replied, “I don’t have all of those verses memorized!” She said, “Ha- what do you do then, google them?”

Yep.

I literally get on google and search this way:

  • What does the bible say about gluttony
  • What does the bible say about sacrifice
  • What does the bible say about contentment
  • What does the bible say about excess

See, here’s proof…

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But the cool thing is with technology now a days, you almost don’t have to have the entire bible memorized to access a random verse. All you need is google. Seriously. (And I really like the website openbible.info to find verses… I go to it and find a verse that speaks to my issue at the time and then look it up on youversion.com so that I can see it in the New Living Translation or The Message or one of the other more reader-friendly versions.)

It could take me thirty minutes to find “the” verse I’m looking for. And if I can’t find one then often I find that means I need to look back into my post to make sure what I am saying is biblical!

Now, it does help to memorize a particularly helpful verse once you have found it… like, I say that one “make me willing to obey” all the time, but I came across it on accident while looking for a verse with a specific topic and THEN I memorized it.

So, although I might appear to have a vast knowledge of the bible, I don’t. But I do have something that is better… I hunger and thirst for righteousness. And that is a verse that I used to pray a lot starting when I was in college… I wanted to hunger and thirst for righteousness, and now… at 33… I have finally found that desire. And I have found that my hunger and thirst for righteousness is filled when I read my bible and when I reference my bible in my thoughts.

But, as far as me being some kind of spiritual paragon and master of all things biblical. Ha… no, I’m definitely not all that.

June 24, 2012

Day 166: Thor, Table For Two

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I know. I know.

A picture of pizza and Thor?!!? What am I thinking? But there is method to my madness…

You see, my five-year old is on this cheese pizza kick, and he is sooooooo not an eater. Not a healthy eater. Not a bad eater. He’s just not much of an eater.  I think it comes from the days when I was nursing him and realized, a bit later than I should have, that he was in the 4th percentile (which is an indication that either a kid is starving or has something seriously wrong with them) and in our case… he was starving… my milk was not so much milk as it was… water. Yeah, as if nursing isn’t already the most difficult part of motherhood, add the guilt of starving your first child.

That was a rough time for me… we’ll leave it at that! Haha!

Anyway, so when he likes a food… I pretty much jump on it. Unfortunately the effect of this is that he then almost ODs on whatever food he likes and then never wants it again. But until I choose to learn from that mistake, when the kid asks for a cheese pizza (which is really only like every other week or so… I’m being over dramatic about it simply because he almost never requests food), well… then I give him a cheese pizza.

And this one time in particular, he asked for a cheese pizza on a Friday and I was exhausted from being up really late the night before, so I conceded reallllllllly easily to his request. And then when he came across this pizza at Target and it had a picture of Thor on it… well, whatever defenses were left completely crumbled! (I’m sort of an Avengers nut thanks to my kid… and my favorite is either Thor or Iron Man… wow. irrelevant information yet again!)

Oh wow… ANYWAYYYYY all of this to say, he ate about half of the pizza. And so what was left? Yep… the other half of a cheese pizza. A cheese pizza that’d had Thor’s picture on it.

I was doomed.

Sure, I had already eaten my dinner. No, of course I wasn’t hungry. And I already mentioned that I was tired.

This is a bad combo… pizza + tired = fail.

And I ate his left over piece and two more pieces.

Shame. Guilt. Sorrow. Grief. Resolve. Shame. Guilt. Sorrow. Grief. Resolve.

You know the cycle.

But one thing that I have started to add in to that cycle whenever I eat when I shouldn’t or eat something I shouldn’t or eat in a way that is not honoring God because it’s eating for a reason other than eating to live… then I add in the step of evaluating WHY I ate when I wasn’t hungry. or what I shouldn’t have. or too much.

And a lot of times it is because I am tired.

My revelations on the importance of sleep are going to come up more in another post, but in essence, if at all possible… I need to get enough sleep. Sure, I have a toddler, so this is not always possible. But when I can get enough sleep, I need to shut down facebook, shut down my bible even, shut down the dishes and go. to. bed.

Otherwise, I’m asking for it the next day. And why set myself up for a struggle… doesn’t Satan do that enough as it is? Why should I make it harder on myself!??!

And I love The Message’s version of these verses… encouragement to do what we can, or as my husband has taught our son to say, “Do my best and trust God to do the rest!”…

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Hebrews 12:1-3

June 23, 2012

Day 165: All Dressed Up

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Salad dressing.

Yep. That’s the topic of this post… salad dressing.

Which might seem like a insignificant little topic but if you think about anytime you go on a diet what is one of the things that they always regulate?

Salad dressing.

Which is a shame because most salad dressings are sooooooo gooooooood. Of course, this is coming from a girl that really only eats ranch and blue cheese dressings. But both of those are sooooooo gooooooood.

Anyway, even though the medium for this topic is salad dressing, that’s really not the main point. The main thing on my mind is: excess.

And excess is the real reason that most diets limit salad dressings. It is the real thing reason that most diets are trying to limit. And the real reason most people lose weight on a diet… not the specific foods they are eating (although that is important to a degree), but the fact that they are eating less.

Think about it:

  • Calorie Counting: the main goal here is to limit the amount one eats in a day. It works for some people because they limit the amounts they eat to stay in that range. It failed for me because I would tally how many brownies I could eat that would keep me in that range.
  • Atkins:by cutting out carbs from your diet you limit the amount of food you eat. It works for some because carbs are the foods they are “addicted” to. Worked for me once then failed me every other time because I still didn’t have the self-discipline to not eat the foods on the “no” list.
  • Weight Watchers: which is essentially calorie counting but just on a much smaller scale (no pun intended- haha!). But it also causes you to limit the amount of your daily intake. It works for some because they are limiting what they eat in a day, possibly making better food choices as well. Plus I think their groups help a lot too. It seems that most people that have success with WeightWatchers do so because of the groups. It didn’t work for me because a) I hate math and even with the calculator I had to tally all my stuff, and b) again, I had to have the motivation and self-discipline to stay within my points. Plus I did the online version… so, no groups.
  • But all three of those (and there are, of course, a zillion more) limit food choices and in doing so they limit salad dressing. Yes, see, I got back to the topic again! Ha!

    And here’s the deal. If I’m gonna eat a LEAF, then I want to put something on said LEAF to make it taste like……… well, like a not-leaf. And that stuff is called salad dressing. So I don’t want to put on something fake-tasting because then it’ll be like eating a fake-LEAF. And that is even worse!

    So I knew that salad dressings were going to be one of those things that I wouldn’t put a limit on (unless it became an issue and I started eating bowls of just ranch… which I wouldn’t have put that past me). But what I have noticed is that I eat far less salad dressing on my leaves than I used to. (And yes, I looked up the word “leaves” to make sure that was the correct plural of “leaf”.)

    I used to eat what was essentially leaf soup. A handful of salad with globs and globs of dressing. In essence I just didn’t want to taste the leaves at all. But one of the most important retrainings that is happening to me is the avoidance of gluttony. And a truck load of dressing was… gluttony. Yes, apparently, one can even gluttonize with a salad. And so recently when I ate a salad and put on my regular amount of dressing, I looked down at it and thought… not. pleasing. to. God.

    And I scraped a ton of it back into the jar.

    And the salad was awesome.

    Maybe because now I eat salad with all sorts of goodies on it: carrots, cherry tomatoes, celery, cilantro, chopped peanuts, feta cheese, bell peppers, mushrooms, and a good mix of salad. I don’t even give much room for those dern leaves anymore. Heck, I could probably leave them out entirely!

    But I think it was extra good because I scraped off all of that bitter-tasting, guilt-producing, stomach-churning gluttony. And instead sprinkled on some amazingly tasty “honor-God”.

    You should try some… it’ll change your life.

    For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. Titus 2:11

    June 22, 2012

    Day 164: Growing Up Covenant

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    My husband, who is an English teacher during the school year, is home for the summer. And, I try as much as I can to give him some moments of peace and quiet at home during the first couple of weeks (plus, in the summer he works a lot on his songwriting method called ChordDice and although squeals of laughter are fun to hear, they can also be kind of distracting)! So, one day I took my boys to a McDonald’s close by to adventure in the play area… my toddler has just gotten to the point where he can navigate the entirety of the slides and mazes without my help so it’s kind of relaxing for me!

    Typically when we go play at a place like McDonald’s, I’m a mooch that doesn’t buy the kids food… we just play. Yeah, yeah… I’m THAT mom. Haha! But this time I had planned to get them some pancakes and leave it at that; although, having a toddler I have learned my lesson many-a-time that he will probably not eat whatever I plan on him eating when we go somewhere. So, I always bring backups.

    This particular day, I brought grapes and strawberries and a banana in case he didn’t want pancakes, but I didn’t anticipate using it… I mean, what kid would choose grapes over pancakes?!!?

    But sure enough, he didn’t eat a bite of pancake but he obliterated the fruit.

    And I kind of realized… he is growing up in my covenant. I didn’t have good fruit and veggies and stuff when my youngest was a toddler… his “backup” food consisted of cheerios, pop tarts (not saying that I don’t still whip that one out every once in a while when I’m desperate), graham crackers, etc. I don’t think that I ever took fruit anywhere for him! And now I’m having to struggle a bit to get him living covenant with us. It’s working, but it’s a slow process of retraining his tastebuds too.

    But, seeing my youngest so easily fit himself into the covenant, I am reminded of this verse… this promise:

    Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6

    June 21, 2012

    Day 163: Just Food

    I was recently having coffee with my friend Alice and we were talking covenant stuff. She mentioned that one of her struggles was that she felt the need to be strong enough to resist on her own. She said with a sarcastic note to her voice, it’s “just food”. She felt that she should be able to deal with “just food”.

    And I have been really thinking on that a lot since then.

    Cause really… she’s right. We so often feel a little extra dose of extra guilt because we can’t resist this stuff that is “just food”.

    But as I have thought about it, a few thoughts have come to mind about “just food”…

    Satan used food as the first form of temptation in the Garden.

    Jesus performed his first miracle changing water to wine.

    Christ compared his own body to bread and wine at the last supper.

    It’s not “just food”.

    And honestly, I thought and thought about WHY it’s not “just food”… WHY does it have more of a power than other things in our life?

    And I’m thinking that it ties, in a weird sort of way, to our level of faith. Satan knew that Adam and Eve were provided every piece of vegetation in the garden except those apples (or whatever they were) from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. And I think he played off of a small, tiny fear that has glowed in our hearts for all of time… the thought – the fear –  that we might not have enough. Not necessarily that we haven’t gotten to experience everything, but that deep down we fear that we might come across a time of… want. need. starvation.

    And now I live in a time where most people in America live in a situation where there IS abundance like in the Garden. there IS enough for all of us. there IS plenty.

    But we still have these images from the Holocaust. I can still remember stories of the Irish Potato Famine and the mass exodus that ensued. We see pictures pouring in from Africa, India, Asia, Russia of men, women, and children bare boned and sallow eyed.

    And although we might grab another brownie it’s not typically because we are consciously thinking, “Oh, man, I’d better stock up on brownies tonight because we might all be starving tomorrow!” But in the ever increasing state of unrest in the world, it is more than likely in the back of our thoughts.

    So, I wonder if much of this addiction and pull to “just food” is in response to our fear… and our subsequent need to control that fear.

    But God has instructed us that food is now to become… insignificant. a non-issue.

    I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?

    Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.

    And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

    Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. Matthew 6:25-33

    And He gives us a promise here… that if we run toward Him that He will give us everything we need. He doesn’t promise that we won’t starve, He doesn’t promise that we won’t be hungry, He doesn’t promise that we will even live. But He does promise to give us everything we need. And once we start to learn to trust that He will take care of us… then we can free ourselves from stressing over “just food” and then it can truly become exactly that… just. food.

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